Worst of Trek-Part 1

Worst of Trek, Part 1:

Spock’s Brain vs. And the Children Shall Lead

I was reading an article the other day which stated “And the Children Shall Lead” was the worst 3^rd season Trek episode. This amazed me, because I always thought it was understood that “Spock’s Brain” was universally considered the worst episode of the 3^rd season, if not the entire series.

Truth be told, I put “Children” much higher on the list for that season but is it possible I was wrong?

I wanted to take a look at both episodes and see which one is really worst. In my opinion “Requiem for Methuselah” was worst than either, but that one is more boring than bad so let’s ignore that one and dwell on these two episodes.      

“Spock’s Brain” begins as an interesting episode. The opening shows the Enterprise being pursued by an alien vessel, from which a mysterious lady appears and incapacitates the crew. When we come back from the first commercial we find Spock no longer on the bridge. We quickly learn why, Spock is in sick-bay and somehow his brain has been removed. McCoy informs us that the brain was removed surgically, and if they don’t find it in 24 hours even life support will not be able to keep Spock’s body alive. Ok, so far so good. We have our premise and the stakes are made clear. We see Kirk and crew on the bridge in what has to be one of the best scenes in any episode. Why? Because he is relying on the others for once, rather than just Kirk and Spock discussing everything just them alone, this time it’s a group effort and everyone gets some input. I wish more episodes had scenes like this, something Next Generation gets right.

I digress, and it’s after this scene that the episode goes from interesting to weird. They narrow the search down to a planet and, long story short, beam down to the likeliest place. After Kirk and crew have beamed down and they realize this is the place, Kirk calls to have McCoy beam down. This is where the episode takes a sharp right turn into just silly. McCoy has rigged up Spock with some kind of headset which allowed McCoy to control Spock’s body by remote control. That just sounds dumb, but wait the creators added a stupid sound effect every time Spock moves so I guess it’s not dumb after all.

Anyway, they all make to an underground cavern. Once inside Kirk is able contact Spock’s brain via the communicator, in Spock’s voice! I admit I am not the smartest guy in the world but I do know how a voice works and am pretty sure even if somehow Spock could send messages to Kirk via his communicator it would not be in his voice. Anyway, the crew is quickly discovered and incapacitated. I will give the creators credit for remembering Spock can’t feel pain without his brain, one of the few things they got right.

As the plot goes on we discover the women live down below and the men above, and that the men are considered savages while the women are advanced. Nice of them to try to convey a message I guess. We find out that Spock’s Brain is currently controlling the complex, and that is why it was stolen. Then we find out how the lady who appeared at the start of the episode could do the amazing feat she did, with a thing called the teacher. This apparatus somehow makes the wearer a genius for a few hours. Then what, does the information fade? This is never fully explained but that’s alright. By the way, I am not sure what the creators are saying, women can only be smart for a few hours and only if they have help? That women are basically stupid? Think they lost the message, but never mind. McCoy uses it and suddenly he knows how to restore Spock’s brain. To his credit, Deforest Kelley did a great job in the scene where he reveals how simple it is.

The surgery scene starts out ok, with Kirk explaining to the girl that now that they are taking the controller away they will need to depend on the men from now on (hmmm, not to sexist). Then what was a farfetched episode just gets plain dumb. McCoy starts to forget the knowledge he learned, and so what does he do? Why he has Spock help him, of course! I know Spock is smart but I find it hard to believe he can assist McCoy in restoring his own brain! Anyway, somehow it works and then Spock appears just fine. Back to normal and his hair perfectly in place. The episode ends with Spock ranting about all the stuff he learned, and as the scene fades we can see the cast joking around as if they realize that this was just about the stupidest episode ever.

Ok, that was pretty bad. Now let’s talk about the other episode. “And the Children Shall Lead” again begins with an interesting start. Kirk and co beam down to find a Federation colony wiped out, all except the kids. Not only did they survive, but they are giddy and as happy as can be as they play around their parents corpses (did I just say that?)

They bring the kids up to the ship for ice cream, which for some reason Nurse Chapel is in charge of. Is this what she does on her off hours? As Kirk discusses the children’s odd behavior we are clued in on what happened. An evil alien has convinced the kids that their parents are bad and wiped them all out. I said convinced rather than controlled because I am not sure exactly what this gorgan does. One of the many weaknesses of the script is that it is never explained. Are the kids under his control or does he just grant these bizarre powers (more on that in a second) to whomever he chooses?

Anyway, the kids go about taking over the Enterprise. I gave the crew credit in the other episode for being smart and helpful; in this one they are so dumb. I mean, the children chant for the alien right in the middle of the bridge without anyone raising an eyebrow. Then they make Sulu and Chekov change course but believe they have not left orbit, apparently the view screen is all the evidence they need. Imagine flying a plane like that, “Well it looks like we’re over the right place!” Kirk and Spock beam two security guards into deep space and realize something is wrong, nice of them to not check before beaming the men down.

 Now apparently the powers the kids have are to make the crew battle their inner demons and fears. Ok, so what are those demons? First Uhura is crippled by the image she sees in the mirror which appears from nowhere. The image is of her old and dying. True she should be able to figure out that it's not real, but ok, that one’s not so bad. Then they make Sulu see swords circling the ship and convince him the ship will be destroyed if they move. This always killed me; first of all does Sulu really believe the images he is seeing are genuine? How are swords going to “destroy” the ship, I mean Nomad’s energy blasts couldn’t break thru the shields but metal objects, those are deadly! He even pushes Kirk out of the way when he tries to change the course! I suppose we’re supposed to believe Sulu’s demon is fear the ship will be destroyed but, really? Showing a Klingon battle ship firing would have at least made sense.

Oh, but that’s nothing compared to the others. William Shatner goes way out of character and is at his hammiest when the children convince him that he has lost his command. The children even make Spock unable to see the danger around him, but only for a second because being the only person with half a brain he realizes that something is wrong and snaps himself out of it.

Kirk and Spock get off the Bridge and try to find some other way to get control back. Scotty becomes afraid to let Kirk touch his engines or he will disturb them. Apparently the fact that Kirk is his senior officer is irrelevant, and Scotty even threatens to kill Kirk if he touches them. I mean, when Sulu disobeyed Kirk he thought he was acting in the best interest of the ship. Scotty is just being an ass. Then Chekov appears with a couple guards to arrest Kirk and Spock, apparently he got “orders”. Chekov must be scared of disobeying an order, but why would someone send an ensign to arrest the commanding officer? And how did the children do this, of course it’s not explained because it makes no sense! To Kirk’s credit, he does send Chekov and the guards to detention after he and Spock have stopped them maybe even Kirk realizes that there was no excuse for that one.

If it sounds like I am describing this episode out of sequence it’s because there is no sequence. It’s basically one silly scene after another. After the kids make the crew act crazy we finally get to the solution. They show the kids tapes of their parents, before and after being killed, to arouse emotion from them. Once they start crying they are able to see the alien as he really is and defeat him. Ok, first of all why do these images bother the kids now? As I stated they literally played around their parents corpse’s at the start but now these images are sad? Am I missing something? Right before this we see Tommy and the other kids in control and confident. Were these magic tapes? Second of all, how does this defeat gorgan?  It would be one thing if the alien said “I will be back!” or something but we get the impression that the alien is killed. From what exactly?

If you could go to the end of act 1, and then skip act’s 2 and 3 and go right to this last scene, you would not miss a thing. There is no story after act 1; it’s just the kids running around while the adults overact.

Maybe I was wrong when I was a kid; this episode might be worst then “Spock’s Brain” after all. I think I know the different between these two. In Spock’s Brain the craziness is in the writing, the acting is pretty good. In “Children”, the acting is the problem. The guest star is awful, and the whole crew acts hammy. It just feels silly. So I guess it comes down to which do you hate more, a badly written script or a badly performed episode?

Next time I want to talk about why “Shades of Gray” was not the worst Next Generation episode ever, bad as it was.