For the new year, I want to start getting into actual reviews. Christmas movies are great; they are seasonal highlights
that we look forward to watching every year. Of course, not all are fantastic.
Some are corny, or lame, or just bad. For years I have been avoiding one
specific special because without even knowing anything about it, I know it has
to be terrible. I have never sat through it, not once. I got to thinking, maybe this
would be a good film to start off with. I mean, how bad could it be really?
This is....
This low-budget, computer animated, direct to DVD feature
came out in 2001. It was created by a company having absolutely nothing to do
with the classic Rankin/Bass tale. Obviously the creators figured kids were
idiots, and would never realize that while this film contains the same
characters as the classic Rudolph; the quality would be far less.
Let's get the first complaint out right away. This low
budget computer animation can't hold a candle to the classic animagic used in
the 60's. But how bad is it? We’ll discuss that as we go. Here a plot summary,
and yes it has spoilers.
As the movie begins, we segue into a little girl’s room
where her toys are coming to life ala Toy Story. The voiceover is illegible,
but from what i can tell the toys are fleeing the house. Turns out villainous
Pied Piper-like character called The Toy Taker is luring the toys out of homes from
all over the world. We then see that this is being explained to us by a talking
snowman. No, not like that other Rudolph special at all!
This much more annoying snowman is Scoop, a reporter for the
North Pole. Gee, how many things are
wrong with that? Anyway, in a flashback the story begins with the classic
Rudolph song, where we get introduced to the characters including the elves
which look very much like the classic version. The snow monster Bumbles and Yukon
Cornelius are in this too. But we'll get to them.
The story picks up with everyone getting ready for
Christmas. They did a reasonable job getting the voices close to the original
special. This Santa's workshop is much different however. By the way, I wanted
to give the animation a break but I have to say that it is terrible. It really
does look like a video game. However, as I said we can look past that if the
story works. So, we see the elves dancing as we establish the setting. Then a
horrible song comes on as Rudolph and Clarice play in the snow. One big
complaint of this special is that Rudolph and Clarice are younger than they
should be. However, I wish that were the only problem.
After the boring song we transition to a kite looking for Hermey
at a dentist office. He is now a fully fledged dentist. The snowman kindly
points out that Hermey is at Christmas town, "the first castle on your
left. Matter of fact, the only castle on the left." Hold it; they are stealing
lines straight from the original special! Did they think that would be clever! You
know, maybe this was a mistake, only ten minutes in and I am hating myself.
The kite goes to the castle, where Rudolph is famous now.
Rudolph is humble about it as the others make him do tricks. The kite finds
Hermey and informs him that King Moonracer has a toothache and he has to go to
the Island of Misfit Toys. Rudolph volunteers to go along, probably tired of
being treated like novelty act. The duo cross the tundra to the island. We find
out that even though he is now famous, Rudolph still considers himself a
misfit. Hermey then sings a song about being proud, even if you're a little
different. Boy, Hermey is really positive now. The song is so terrible by the way;
it's sounds as if they just told the actors to sing the dialogue for a few
pages.
The allusions to the classic special are impossible to
ignore. There is no way this wasn't intended to be a sequel to that show. Comet
is even wearing the same hat and whistle like the classic special. Anyway they
finally arrive at the island, and the special attempts to duplicate the song in
the original when we first met the Island of Misfit Toys. That song was clever,
this one is not.
Moving along, we are reintroduced to King Moonracer. Hermey
treats him for his toothache, with Rudolph's help. In the original Moonracer
was regal and proud, here he is a wimp. At his workshop, Santa is worried about
the Toy Taker. Then the creepy snowman narrator then explains how the Toy Taker
did the unthinkable, breaking into the workshop. We then see Rudolph and Hermey
already on the way back, which makes me realize that there was almost no point
to Moonracer having a toothache other than it being a way to get Rudolph and
Hermey away for awhile and reintroduce us to the Island of Misfit Toys. I
understand you need plot devices, but do they have to be so transparent?
A storm then diverts Rudolph and Hermey, and they wind up
shipwrecked at a place called Castaway Cove where they meet Queen Camilla, the
Queen Hippo of Castaway Cove. Know what's even more disturbing than that? She
is voiced by Jamie Lee Curtis. Oh, and did I mention the creepy snowman was
Richard Dreyfuss? I guess everyone needs extra cash every now and then. Apparently
where the Island of Misfit Toys are a home for unwanted toys, Castaway Cove is
a home for toys which have aged or broken. Like a rest home/spa for toys (I wish
I was making that up).Then we get a song about the services the island provides
and how they make toys feel beautiful again, which sucks.
Queen Camilla offers to do something for Rudolph and Hermey.
Rudolph still wants a normal nose (funny, I thought he was proud of it) and
Hermey wants a date with the tooth fairy. I understand they couldn't make him
want to be a dentist again, but was making him horny for a girl the best they
could do with him? Worst than that, having Rudolph still wishing for a normal
nose totally ret-cons the other special. I understand they wanted to portray Rudolph
overwhelmed with the fame he has, that’s actually a good idea, but making him
wanting "to be normal" was not the way to go.
To the story's credit, Hermey does a good job trying to
convince Rudolph that he would be making a mistake. We cut to the next day
where Rudolph and Hermey are headed home, Rudolph not sure if a nose job is
good idea or a bad one. We then get more pointless crap with Rudolph and
Clarice, ummm didn't the Toy Taker steal the toys or something? What happened
to that?
The plot finally resumes as we return to the castle and we
find out the Toy Taker has cleaned the place out. Rudolph is the only one not
ready to give up; he is prepared to get the toys back. It seems the chief elf
saw a blimp, and everyone starts to look for clues. It's at this point I want
to mention what they did to the head elf. He is just a whiny character here,
and is angry with Hermey for leaving them shorthanded. Even though we saw him
being supportive at the end of the original version. Hermey is apparently leading
the investigation; he sure has come a long way. They realize they the Toy Taker
still hasn’t visited the Island of Misfit Toys or Castaway Cove.
On the way they run into Youkon Cornelius and Bumbles,
sitting by a now empty peppermint mine. They agree to come along and help
Rudolph. I gotta say, this characterization of Cornelius isn't bad. We then
spend some time with the Toy Taker where we learn that he is "saving"
the toys. We see the Charlie in the box and the other original characters. Toy
Taker says that children always outgrow toys and will eventually throw them
out. Why am I thinking of Toy Story all of a sudden? (for the record, this came
out years after Toy Story. Hmmmm). Toy Taker then sings a song which isn't bad
about how children always outgrow their toys and he is trying to protect them.
We return to Castaway Cove and find out that Rudolph and his
friends are too late. Rudolph promises to catch the thief. There last hope is
the Island of Misfit Toys. They arrive and inform Moonracer of the problem, and
the plan to stop him. That night when the blimp appears, Toy Taker steals all
the toys which include Rudolph and friends in disguise.
On the blimp, Rudolph and his friends don't hide very long
before they are discovered. Toy Maker tries to throw them out, but they manage
to recover. Actually, this small scene is pointless. By the way, I am rushing through this scene
but I want to get this over with. I am not even going into the B story about
Clarice learning how to fly. So, Rudolph and friends get back on board and
confront the Toy Taker. We get an "action" scene where Cornelius
chases the Toy Taker out on top of the blimp. Cornelius falls but is caught by
Bumbles.
Leaving Hermey to safely land the blimp, Rudolph and Clarice
confront the Toy Taker (again). Rudolph's light causes the Taker to jump, where
he parachutes to the peppermint mine. Then we get an "Indiana Jones"
style chase through the mine while Hermey lands the blimp. Half-way through the
chase scene I kept wondering where my video game controller was. After what
seems like forever, Rudolph and Clarice catch up to the Toy Taker and finally
catch him just as Santa and Mrs.Clause arrive. How did they know where they
were? Who cares?
The Toy Taker is finally revealed as a little teddy bear,
which had been neglected. A flashback reveals how he was forgotten and thrown
out. I always love getting backstory ten minutes before the movie is over. How
are we supposed to feel for this guy now, he has been caught and the plot has
been essentially resolved. This should have been the start of the movie. Why did the filmmakers feel keeping the
identity of the Toy Taker would be more interesting? Shock! It's a character
we've never met before! They tried to set this up as a mystery like Scooby-doo
or something, but even in those we meet the suspects and learn a little about
them. That’s what makes trying to determine the villain fun. In this we literally
don’t meet the bear until his reveal at the end. Also the flashback uses a song
which is a rip off of Jesse's song from Toy Story 2 (which, yes, came out
before this).
Ok, let's wrap this up. Santa promises to take the toy back
to his owner who has been looking for him. Not before Queen Camilla repairs him
of course. Cornelius finds another mine full of silver and peppermint, so glad
his story was resolved the whole thing took up two whole minutes! And of course
Rudolph has learned to appreciate his nose, and wants to keep it. I guess
saving the day in the first show didn't do it for him. How does he learn to
handle his fame? Forget that, the writers did. The special ends with a song
from the snowman, which is an attempt to rip off Holly Jolly Christmas, and
Santa flying off to deliver the toys. What happened to the stolen toys we saw
earlier? No idea, the film never establishes that they were saved. Oh, and
Hermey finally gets his date with the tooth fairy.
The final scene is Santa returning the teddy bear to his owner
named Steve. Apparently Steve never meant to throw the bear away, and the final
scene is the bear being given to Steve's baby daughter. This would have been
such a sweet scene, if we had met Steven at any point before this! I mean,
we're supposed to be happy for a character we never met?
Final thoughts. Awful! The story is so flimsy, the
songs
suck, and I could go on all day. This is really a rip off of Toy Story
and Toy
Story 2 in so many ways. It is also abundantly clear they were intending
this
to be a sequel to that classic Rudolph cartoon. This thing is filled
with
references to that story, and almost all the same characters. Some of
the
characters we good, Hermey may have been the worst. No more shy elf,
although
his voice was actually close. The worst thing about this is it could
have been
good, even with the crappy animation, but the story is just all over the
place.
There was zero charm in this thing, I wouldn't even put it on just to
quiet a kid. The only thing I felt when this over, was relief. One last
question, why was it called Rudolph and the Island of Misfit Toys
anyway?
Hope you enjoyed this, and hopefully many more will come as
we head into the new year. I am trying to come up with a formal name for these review segments, but so far nothing sounds good.
