December 6, 2011

Special Christmas Review

For the new year, I want to start getting into actual reviews. Christmas movies are great; they are seasonal highlights that we look forward to watching every year. Of course, not all are fantastic. Some are corny, or lame, or just bad. For years I have been avoiding one specific special because without even knowing anything about it, I know it has to be terrible. I have never sat through it, not once. I got to thinking, maybe this would be a good film to start off with. I mean, how bad could it be really? This is....


This low-budget, computer animated, direct to DVD feature came out in 2001. It was created by a company having absolutely nothing to do with the classic Rankin/Bass tale. Obviously the creators figured kids were idiots, and would never realize that while this film contains the same characters as the classic Rudolph; the quality would be far less.
Let's get the first complaint out right away. This low budget computer animation can't hold a candle to the classic animagic used in the 60's. But how bad is it? We’ll discuss that as we go. Here a plot summary, and yes it has spoilers.
As the movie begins, we segue into a little girl’s room where her toys are coming to life ala Toy Story. The voiceover is illegible, but from what i can tell the toys are fleeing the house. Turns out villainous Pied Piper-like character called The Toy Taker is luring the toys out of homes from all over the world. We then see that this is being explained to us by a talking snowman. No, not like that other Rudolph special at all!
This much more annoying snowman is Scoop, a reporter for the    North Pole. Gee, how many things are wrong with that? Anyway, in a flashback the story begins with the classic Rudolph song, where we get introduced to the characters including the elves which look very much like the classic version. The snow monster Bumbles and Yukon Cornelius are in this too. But we'll get to them.
The story picks up with everyone getting ready for Christmas. They did a reasonable job getting the voices close to the original special. This Santa's workshop is much different however. By the way, I wanted to give the animation a break but I have to say that it is terrible. It really does look like a video game. However, as I said we can look past that if the story works. So, we see the elves dancing as we establish the setting. Then a horrible song comes on as Rudolph and Clarice play in the snow. One big complaint of this special is that Rudolph and Clarice are younger than they should be. However, I wish that were the only problem.
After the boring song we transition to a kite looking for Hermey at a dentist office. He is now a fully fledged dentist. The snowman kindly points out that Hermey is at Christmas town, "the first castle on your left. Matter of fact, the only castle on the left." Hold it; they are stealing lines straight from the original special! Did they think that would be clever! You know, maybe this was a mistake, only ten minutes in and I am hating myself.

The kite goes to the castle, where Rudolph is famous now. Rudolph is humble about it as the others make him do tricks. The kite finds Hermey and informs him that King Moonracer has a toothache and he has to go to the Island of Misfit Toys. Rudolph volunteers to go along, probably tired of being treated like novelty act. The duo cross the tundra to the island. We find out that even though he is now famous, Rudolph still considers himself a misfit. Hermey then sings a song about being proud, even if you're a little different. Boy, Hermey is really positive now. The song is so terrible by the way; it's sounds as if they just told the actors to sing the dialogue for a few pages.
The allusions to the classic special are impossible to ignore. There is no way this wasn't intended to be a sequel to that show. Comet is even wearing the same hat and whistle like the classic special. Anyway they finally arrive at the island, and the special attempts to duplicate the song in the original when we first met the Island of Misfit Toys. That song was clever, this one is not.
Moving along, we are reintroduced to King Moonracer. Hermey treats him for his toothache, with Rudolph's help. In the original Moonracer was regal and proud, here he is a wimp. At his workshop, Santa is worried about the Toy Taker. Then the creepy snowman narrator then explains how the Toy Taker did the unthinkable, breaking into the workshop. We then see Rudolph and Hermey already on the way back, which makes me realize that there was almost no point to Moonracer having a toothache other than it being a way to get Rudolph and Hermey away for awhile and reintroduce us to the Island of Misfit Toys. I understand you need plot devices, but do they have to be so transparent?
A storm then diverts Rudolph and Hermey, and they wind up shipwrecked at a place called Castaway Cove where they meet Queen Camilla, the Queen Hippo of Castaway Cove. Know what's even more disturbing than that? She is voiced by Jamie Lee Curtis. Oh, and did I mention the creepy snowman was Richard Dreyfuss? I guess everyone needs extra cash every now and then. Apparently where the Island of Misfit Toys are a home for unwanted toys, Castaway Cove is a home for toys which have aged or broken. Like a rest home/spa for toys (I wish I was making that up).Then we get a song about the services the island provides and how they make toys feel beautiful again, which sucks.
Queen Camilla offers to do something for Rudolph and Hermey. Rudolph still wants a normal nose (funny, I thought he was proud of it) and Hermey wants a date with the tooth fairy. I understand they couldn't make him want to be a dentist again, but was making him horny for a girl the best they could do with him? Worst than that, having Rudolph still wishing for a normal nose totally ret-cons the other special. I understand they wanted to portray Rudolph overwhelmed with the fame he has, that’s actually a good idea, but making him wanting "to be normal" was not the way to go.
To the story's credit, Hermey does a good job trying to convince Rudolph that he would be making a mistake. We cut to the next day where Rudolph and Hermey are headed home, Rudolph not sure if a nose job is good idea or a bad one. We then get more pointless crap with Rudolph and Clarice, ummm didn't the Toy Taker steal the toys or something? What happened to that?

The plot finally resumes as we return to the castle and we find out the Toy Taker has cleaned the place out. Rudolph is the only one not ready to give up; he is prepared to get the toys back. It seems the chief elf saw a blimp, and everyone starts to look for clues. It's at this point I want to mention what they did to the head elf. He is just a whiny character here, and is angry with Hermey for leaving them shorthanded. Even though we saw him being supportive at the end of the original version. Hermey is apparently leading the investigation; he sure has come a long way. They realize they the Toy Taker still hasn’t visited the Island of Misfit Toys or Castaway Cove.
On the way they run into Youkon Cornelius and Bumbles, sitting by a now empty peppermint mine. They agree to come along and help Rudolph. I gotta say, this characterization of Cornelius isn't bad. We then spend some time with the Toy Taker where we learn that he is "saving" the toys. We see the Charlie in the box and the other original characters. Toy Taker says that children always outgrow toys and will eventually throw them out. Why am I thinking of Toy Story all of a sudden? (for the record, this came out years after Toy Story. Hmmmm). Toy Taker then sings a song which isn't bad about how children always outgrow their toys and he is trying to protect them.
We return to Castaway Cove and find out that Rudolph and his friends are too late. Rudolph promises to catch the thief. There last hope is the Island of Misfit Toys. They arrive and inform Moonracer of the problem, and the plan to stop him. That night when the blimp appears, Toy Taker steals all the toys which include Rudolph and friends in disguise.
On the blimp, Rudolph and his friends don't hide very long before they are discovered. Toy Maker tries to throw them out, but they manage to recover. Actually, this small scene is pointless.  By the way, I am rushing through this scene but I want to get this over with. I am not even going into the B story about Clarice learning how to fly. So, Rudolph and friends get back on board and confront the Toy Taker. We get an "action" scene where Cornelius chases the Toy Taker out on top of the blimp. Cornelius falls but is caught by Bumbles.
Leaving Hermey to safely land the blimp, Rudolph and Clarice confront the Toy Taker (again). Rudolph's light causes the Taker to jump, where he parachutes to the peppermint mine. Then we get an "Indiana Jones" style chase through the mine while Hermey lands the blimp. Half-way through the chase scene I kept wondering where my video game controller was. After what seems like forever, Rudolph and Clarice catch up to the Toy Taker and finally catch him just as Santa and Mrs.Clause arrive. How did they know where they were? Who cares?
The Toy Taker is finally revealed as a little teddy bear, which had been neglected. A flashback reveals how he was forgotten and thrown out. I always love getting backstory ten minutes before the movie is over. How are we supposed to feel for this guy now, he has been caught and the plot has been essentially resolved. This should have been the start of the movie.  Why did the filmmakers feel keeping the identity of the Toy Taker would be more interesting? Shock! It's a character we've never met before! They tried to set this up as a mystery like Scooby-doo or something, but even in those we meet the suspects and learn a little about them. That’s what makes trying to determine the villain fun. In this we literally don’t meet the bear until his reveal at the end. Also the flashback uses a song which is a rip off of Jesse's song from Toy Story 2 (which, yes, came out before this).
Ok, let's wrap this up. Santa promises to take the toy back to his owner who has been looking for him. Not before Queen Camilla repairs him of course. Cornelius finds another mine full of silver and peppermint, so glad his story was resolved the whole thing took up two whole minutes! And of course Rudolph has learned to appreciate his nose, and wants to keep it. I guess saving the day in the first show didn't do it for him. How does he learn to handle his fame? Forget that, the writers did. The special ends with a song from the snowman, which is an attempt to rip off Holly Jolly Christmas, and Santa flying off to deliver the toys. What happened to the stolen toys we saw earlier? No idea, the film never establishes that they were saved. Oh, and Hermey finally gets his date with the tooth fairy.
The final scene is Santa returning the teddy bear to his owner named Steve. Apparently Steve never meant to throw the bear away, and the final scene is the bear being given to Steve's baby daughter. This would have been such a sweet scene, if we had met Steven at any point before this! I mean, we're supposed to be happy for a character we never met?


Final thoughts. Awful! The story is so flimsy, the songs suck, and I could go on all day. This is really a rip off of Toy Story and Toy Story 2 in so many ways. It is also abundantly clear they were intending this to be a sequel to that classic Rudolph cartoon. This thing is filled with references to that story, and almost all the same characters. Some of the characters we good, Hermey may have been the worst. No more shy elf, although his voice was actually close. The worst thing about this is it could have been good, even with the crappy animation, but the story is just all over the place. There was zero charm in this thing, I wouldn't even put it on just to quiet a kid. The only thing I felt when this over, was relief. One last question, why was it called Rudolph and the Island of Misfit Toys anyway?

Hope you enjoyed this, and hopefully many more will come as we head into the new year. I am trying to come up with a formal name for these review segments, but so far nothing sounds good.

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