Five Things I Hated In "White Christmas"

This film was released in 1954, and has become a Christmas classic. Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye star as version of Gilbert & Sullivan named Bob Wallace & Phil Davis. Also starred Rosemary Clooney as Betty and Vera-Ellen as Judy. This film always had a special place in my heart, for all the wrong reasons. For years my main complaint was that this was not a good Christmas movie. I concede, I was wrong about that. True, lots of the Irving Berlin songs don't have anything to do with Christmas but the plot sure does. This movie is most famous for the "Sisters" number that Rosemary Clooney and Vera-Ellen perform. It is a tradition to watch this; however I still have a few problems with this movie. I used to irritate my ex by nitpicking this film. Since it is Christmas, I thought tonight I would share with everyone else as I poke a little fun at this classic which I do watch every year.

#5.Ok Vera, you can dance-we get it! As much fun as it is to look at her legs, Judy's endless dance numbers do get kind of tiring

#4.The Choreography Number. I know it is hard to talk about this if one hasn’t seen it, but this has to be the most annoying number in the film. Everybody I know who has seen this movie hates this part. Most of the other songs, like "Gee, I Wish I Was Back in the Army", are fun to listen to. This one is grating, the music and the dancing is awful. Why is Danny Kaye dressed in black exactly?

#3.Why doesn't anything happen to that housekeeper? The closest thing to a villain in this movie is the pushy housekeeper named Emma. She mistakenly overhears the plan that Wallace has for the general and gets the wrong idea. Ok, I will talk about this more in a second but my first question is, why doesn't the housekeeper ever apologize for the foul up? That’s all I ask. This was the old day of movies when people never got punished for things they did, and this is a prime example.

#2.Judy is the most self-centered character ever. Yeah, I'm going to pick on Vera-Ellen again. After Bob and Betty have a blow out (will explain that in a second), Judy comes to the logical conclusion that the problem is that Betty is afraid to get into a relationship as long as Judy still needs to be taken care of. The obvious solution? Pretend to get engaged to Phil so that will compel Betty to get together with Bob. She is so off target, it's amazing. Rather than trying to get to the bottom of things she comes to a conclusion and then plays games. The result? So distraught Betty runs off without a word (except a letter) to New York. She then sings a lovely song about how her love affair fizzled. To give credit, Bob does a good job of chewing her out after the facade is revealed.

#1.Betty's story arc. I love Rosemary Clooney and don't blame her for the writing in this. In fact, I saw her live in concert ten years ago. That doesn't change the fact I hate her character in the second half of this. Here is the story, which involves a misunderstanding that would make "Three's Company" proud. Bob and Phil decide to do something nice for their old general, and do a show just to cheer him up. Bob decides to get some of the old troops to the show by asking on television for them to come. The housekeeper makes the mistake of thinking they are going to commercialize the general's plight, and tells Betty. Now, all Betty has to do is ask Bob if that were true or not. Does she? No! She pouts and whines, saying nothing while everyone wonders what the hell her problem is. All she had to do was ask! I feel so bad for Bob in this. He does everything right. First he tried to find out what the problem is. Then he tries to apologize anyway. Then he tries to start over. Betty shoots him down and (thanks to Judy) runs away, and it isn't until she hears Bob's television appeal that she realizes what an idiot she was. Possibly the worst part is, as I already said, the housekeeper never apologizes and Betty just returns like nothing happened (Judy never apologizes either, apparently in this world no one needs to take responsibility for anything). Good that Bob is such a forgiving person, I would have liked to have seen her apologize even if it only lasted a quick couple of seconds. Before someone mentions it, yes I know she gives him a present as a symbolic way of saying she still loves him. I still would have liked a line of dialogue.

Of course there are other things to pick on. How, for example, can they fit an entire Broadway show into a small inn in Vermont? And why do Phil and Judy kiss at the end, we never saw any indication they had real feelings for each other? I don't mind unrealistic movies, but when they get to the level on contrived it gets hard to ignore. The first half is contrived but is silly and fun, so it's easy to ignore. The second half, well, is where the problems start. It feels like filler, as if they had no way to keep the story going. Today they would just make the movie 90 minutes and be done with it. I have noticed this movie hardly appears on people's top ten lists, maybe I am not alone in thinking that while the music is great, the plot kind of spoils the film.

There are good things in this of course. Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye are great, and the main story about the general is moving. The corny ending, what are the chances it would finally snow?, still makes me smile. I admit, it is a classic and as long as I get to hear that amazing song at the end, I can forgive the lapses in logic the movie takes. As a Christmas treat, here is it: