Random Thoughts - Zookeeper

Zookeeper was a Kevin James movie which came out over the summer. I was reluctant to see it, but I did enjoy “Mall Cop” so I figured I would give it a chance. Here is the basic plot; Kevin James plays Griffin who is a zookeeper at the Franklin Park Zoo in Boston. The movie opens with him being cruelly dumped by his girlfriend Stephanie while he is proposing on a beach. We fast forward five years to find him working very happily at his job. When he gets the chance to get to back together with her, the animals all reveal that they could tall all along in the hopes of helping Griffin win the girl back.

Ok, so I just sat through this movie and I gotta say that I was bored. Thank goodness I didn’t see this in the theatres. However, that isn’t what I hated about the movie. First let me say that the whole animals that talk bit was ok. As usual they go with the whole “we could always talk” angle, but I think that it was pulled off just fine. There was nothing terribly funny, and there was one scene with the wolf was just plain gross, but the animals overall didn’t bother me. There was only one time I really laughed in this movie, and it was a joke involving the lion voiced by Sylvester Stallone.

Rosario Dawson is in this movie as an assistant zookeeper named Kate, who Griffin uses to help win the affections of Stephanie. He admits he is using her, so I can say that. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out they are going to realize they love each other and etc, etc. The problem is these two have zero chemistry. I mean nothing at all. I didn’t care one bit if these two got together.

There is another sub-plot involving Lowland the Gorilla voiced by Nick Nolte. Griffin and he wind up becoming friends, and there is a whole scene with T.G.I Friday’s which is too ridiculous for words. Joe Rogan plays the obnoxious boyfriend which Griffin is competing with, a competition which just kind of goes nowhere. By the way, there is also a storyline involving Donnie Wahlberg and Lowland which isn't fleshed out enough, when Wahlberg's character gets his comeuppance we're not invested (and the scene is done in such a silly way, almost like a cartoon). This could have been very powerful if handled better.

Griffin finally gets Stephanie's attention at a wedding, in a scene which is also not funny at all. Of course he ignore Kate's affections. Then Griffin wins Stephanie back, but only if he changes everything about himself. He quits the zoo and gets a job at a car dealer. I am not so sure why a car dealer is so much better than zookeeper, but the crazy thing is Griffin does it. I just don’t understand why he is knocking himself out trying to get the attention of a girl who rejected him and only wants him if he changes to someone else. I just don't buy it.

Of course he finally realizes he misses his old job, and that he wants Kate. He rejects Stephanie and returns to his normal life. Before he can go back to her, the movie throws in some crap about Kate going to Africa and moving away. Forget that they never established this prior to this scene, and of course she is going immediately. I love how people in movies can just pick up and leave in just a day’s time. When the animals convinced Griffin to go after her, I groaned! Not another clichéd chase after the girl!!! Seriously, all he had to do was walk into her office, confess his love, and then kiss her. Movie over.

But nope, we need a climax right? I was afraid we would get another lame airport run, but I would have preferred that to what we got. Let’s just say it’s an implausible scene involving Griffin, Lowland, and the Zackim Bridge in Boston. The scene is utterly ridiculous, only made worst by the fact that I didn’t care if they get together because they had zero chemistry!

The only good thing about this movie was the setting. I live near Boston and the filmmakers did a great job with the city scenes, including a lame chase scene through the Boston Commons. This movie had a weak plot and boring characters, and failed at almost every level. Even as mindless entertainment, this sucked. “Mall Cop” was fun to watch, this was just boring.

That’s just my thoughts, this was a big miss.