Five Things I Hated In “Star Wars”

In case you hadn't figured it out, I am more of a Star Trek fan then a Star Wars fan. This goes all the way back to when I was a little kid and when I played with my Star Wars figures I set the stories on the Enterprise and did more Star Trek related stories (I didn't say I was a smart kid). While Star Wars is classic story of good vs. evil; Star Trek is all about exploring the human condition, which makes the stories more relatable and timeless. When you think about it, how many rip off's of Star Wars have there been over the years? Because it's easy to rip off. Star Trek is easy to parody, but actually duplicating it is a bit harder. However comparing Star Trek to Star Wars is like comparing apples to oranges, two very different franchises and both have their strong points, and their flaws.

Now I am getting way off track because this article was meant to celebrate Star Wars. I did love the original trilogy. And I really....wanted to love the new trilogy. Star Wars is full of great space battles and very memorable characters. I loved C3PO and R2D2 without a real understanding of the films they were in. That's how great they are (or maybe I saw them on Sesame Street, for years I wondered if that had actually happened).

Of course as with any movie, you watch and see things which you would love to change or do differently. Star Wars has been nitpicked to death, especially the recent trilogy, but I thought I would add my two cents. I want to also state that I am hardly a hardcore Star Wars fan, so if I talk about something inaccurately or that has been beaten to death elsewhere, this is all just opinion and for fun. This is also confined to events in the six movies. So Here now are five things which didn’t work for me in Star Wars, and how I might have done them differently.

5. C3PO built by Anakin Skywalker from "The Phantom Menace"

What? I know I am not the first to talk about this but it had to be mentioned. To be fair, I am sure George Lucas was anxious to get C3PO in the film somewhere and I can totally understand that. True it was just fan service, but hey there is nothing wrong with that if it's done right. R2D2 was done right, Obi Wan meeting Anakin Skywalker for the first time was done right….this was not. It just doesn't make sense, how did a 10 year old kid build a sophisticated protocol droid like 3PO? On a dessert planet no less? It takes all the meaning out of the first movie when R2D2 tries to convey Leia's message and 3PO has no idea what is going on. Then there are the complaints of, why didn't Vader recognize the droid in Empire? Actually I did see a comic book where there was a scene during the events of Empire, after 3PO is blown into pieces Vader inspects them and recognizes the droid. This is why he was thrown into the trash where he is discovered by Chewbacca. Nice touch, but since it was in a comic book it wasn't canon and therefore can't be counted. At Leiast Lucas tried to make it work by having the line at the end of Revenge of the Sith about memory erasing him, but it still doesn't change anything. Phantom Menace was a long bore with some really silly things in it, and this was one of them. I would have found some other reason to get him into the movie. He could have been a new droid assigned to the queen, the role he ended playing in Revenge of the Sith!!!  Wouldn't that have made a little more sense?

#4.That dumb cantina scene from "A New Hope"

It's hard to pick on the classic Star Wars; there really isn't much I would change in it. There is one exception, and that would be that whole sequence of Luke and Obi Wan trying to hire a ship. One of my first memories of watching the original film was how boring the first half or so was. Now when I watch it again, it's still…. kind of dull. The bar Luke and Obi Wan go into is just lame. I know that this was the 70's so special effects and make-up weren't exactly state of the art. Even Lucas himself has said that the scene didn't come out the way he envisioned. The scene in Jabba's lair in Jedi was closer to what he wanted the cantina scene to be. C3PO and R2D2 are ostracized from the bar in a stupid moment, and Obi Wan slices a guys arm off when Luke gets into a bar fight. All pointless, we already know Obi Wan is badass and Luke is a wimp. Then we meet Han, and it still takes forever to get to the Millennium Falcon.  So glad they added the scene of him talking to Jabba, that didn't make that part of the film longer. Finally, they take off, but the whole sequence of hiring Han and Chewy just seems to go on to long and added very little. They still had half the movie to develop Han, why make that first sequence go so long? Nothing dramatic here, I just would have made this sequence a little faster and gotten to the real action quicker. Of course I didn't mention the best part, when Han and Greedo have their little discussion. I kind of like that scene because I had a Greedo action figure. Yeah I could get into the whole change having Greedo shoot first, but it didn’t bother me the way it was. I mean, what choice did Han have really? Plus according to George Lucas he didn't change it just made it clearer.

#3.Lando Calrissian from "Empire Strikes Back"

This is the one character I have never liked (well, from the first trilogy anyway). When we first meet Lando we learn that he and Han Solo used to be friends. Things seem to be going fine, until Lando betrays the group and hands them over to Vader. After they are captured and Han is frozen, this is when Lando decides to be the good guy. One of my favorite moments in Empire is when Chewbacca strangles Lando, it's a great moment. So first we like Lando, then we hate him and after he allows Han to be frozen we're supposed to like him again? I would have made Lando evil, and stay evil. Have it turn out he is just a rogue who sells out to whoever is in charge, and that's it.  Because the truth is I never liked Lando, no matter how much he redeemed himself. In Empire he waits till after Han is frozen to act. The only reason they kept him in Jedi is because they needed someone to fly the Millennium Falcon. Why else is he still around but the cool Bobba Fett meets his end? However that space battle at the end of Jedi is the worst because none of the characters we care about are involved. We can't get invested like in the original when Luke was battling the Death Star or Empire when Han and Leia were trying to outrun the Empire. In Jedi we got Lando and that, strange character who was the co-pilot who was so important I can’t even recall his name. The battle on Endor was actually more interesting. If it were up to me I would have just had the group flee cloud city and never hear from the traitor Lando again, rather than have his charming smile stay in the films as if to say "I'm a good guy, really!" What about that last space battle? Would it really have been different if they had all unknown characters in it? That's what it practically was anyway!

#2. Luke and Leia are brother and sister from "Return of the Jedi"

I think George Lucas wanted a surprise in Return of the Jedi, much like the one in Empire where Vader reveals that he is Luke's father. However, that worked because not only was it a powerful moment, but you could buy the possibility. The reveal that Luke and Leia are brother and sister....I just never thought they should have done that. Is it the worst mistake they made? No, probably not. (Can you say Ewoks?) I admit I always liked that scene in Jedi where they have that heartfelt talk, it was one of the best moments in the film, but really at what point in the first two movies is this even alluded to? Yeah we have that moment in Empire when Yoda says "there is another", a fact which Obi Wan seemed clueless to, but that's it. In the first movie Luke is clearly attracted to Leia, and they have at least two passionate kisses. Luke never felt the connection ever? One of my favorite pics from the third film is that shot of Luke and Leia (in the gold bikini) about to swing off the barge in the opening. I had that pic on a calendar back in the day and I loved that month. Does that mean I don't think Han Solo and Leia should have gotten together? No, that worked but making Luke and Leia brother and sister was unnecessary and added nothing except a small amount of drama which they didn't need. Maybe if they had done something with it, like show Leia start to develop the abilities or something. Aside from that bit at the end which, I admit, was a cute moment. I still remember laughing at the face Harrison Ford made when she tells him he is her brother, it was like it made no sense but then he just accepts it and kisses the girl. There seems to be a rule in Hollywood that if a man and woman are not romantically involved than they have to be related, because heaven forbid they just be "good friends". I would have just had Leia fall in love with Han, and Luke and Leia are just good friends who care deeply for each other. What's wrong with that?

#1.Darth Vader's "first" appearance in "Revenge of the Sith"

No not when he first appeared in the original film, but the scene in Revenge of the Sith when we finally get the Vader we had been waiting for through three movies. And I mean waiting for; this was the moment we wanted to see since we met that whiny Anakin in Phantom Menace. It’s amazing, all that suspense and Lucas somehow botched it. Nostalgia critic already went over this so rather than explain why it was dumb, I will tell you what I think should have happened. I think Anakin, or Vader, should have killed his wife. That's right; he should have literally killed her. They could have had the babies born earlier and easily establish that Anakin never saw them, or have them born after she had died (heck they do that in real life). He should have killed her in his rage, and then when the rage filled his heart that was the moment he truly become Darth Vader. Think about it, and then you go to the end of Jedi when the Emperor is killing his son. Suddenly, Vader, or Anakin, remember killing his wife and realizes what he has become. He suddenly realizes the Emperor is truly evil (a fact Anakin never seemed to get) and that is when he takes him and tosses him over. He couldn't save his wife but he's sure as hell not going to let his son get killed. That might have worked. No, instead we get Vader, Vader!, asking about his wife and crying NOOO!!! when he hears she is dead. Well, the other way would have been better. I will say one thing, that moment when the mask is put on and Vader is revealed was a real cool moment for the fan boy inside of me.  By the way, I know my change would ruin Leia’s line in Jedi that she remembered her mother as being sad, but the way they did it ruined that line anyway. And yes I know they explain that in the novels, but I can’t stand the novels. They aren’t bad, just real hard to read.

Finally, you may be wondering how I could not mention Jar Jar Binks. Yes, I hated him as much as everyone and that is why I left him off. I don't think that opinion is very unique. I could accept that George Lucas was so excited about a total digital character, that's fine, but did he have to be soooo annoying? He's also forgettable; seriously right now think of one funny moment or line from him? If you thought of one congrats, I sure as heck couldn't. As for the Ewoks, that is a tough one because I never hated them as much as others did. However, as I get older and wiser I can see the idiocy of that last battle where the little teddy bears beat an entire army of storm troopers, etc. And Leia was so useless in Jedi, what happened to that strong character she was in the classic film?

Ok, that’s enough out of me. I am sure I have irritated the hard core fans, so if you disagree or want to correct me that’s cool. You’re entitled to your opinion. Star Wars, despite its occasional flaws, was a great series of films and has become such a part of our culture that it will be around forever. So, until next time MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!